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lina_ame @ 2009-09-16T22:17:00

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It seems to me to be an eternity ago that I have something or someone as missing. At that time I was 10, and one fine day I suddenly realized is that my life I have at that time in my home town - the street, the apartment, my room - everything - is gone . So suddenly and irrevocably. Disappeared, I gave up everything without being asked without have had a choice. The feeling of pain, loss, nostalgia - it was the strongest thing I've ever felt it ströhmte through me, raced through my body up to the level Fingersptizen, stunned every other feeling.
Last night I experienced the same thing. Only ten times stronger. It is the realization that nothing will be as it once was, that nothing is to get more zuück, nothing must be re-experienced, young, not even for a moment. covered the realization that all is lost, in ruin, decay into dust, our little room with the dust of the old memories and dreams, locked the shutters firmly on the floor quitschenden my little footprints I every night and every Day in the dream leave fade. I go every night and day dream back then, rummage through our linen, our pictures, our common cause, to discover that little of your scent to inhale, to lay smashed in my mind to save. As if it would bring something.
I did not know what to say when we meet, when we would talk. Whether I apologize once again, must say if I may, that I've missed you, if I may say that I missed you. If I may say that I regret nothing - not the separation. The fact that I learned from my mistakes that you have means everything to me. The fact that this little life that we lived together, the best was what had happened to each. I just knew I would feel nothing. It was only in retrospect.
I did not know how you have lived the last months. I do not know what to ask. How you're doing, what you drift so whether your life is back on track, how is your mother, I miss you and your apartment, and soon is Halloween, I honestly do not know what to say.
I would not know what to think when I see you every day. My inside contracts and pushes me a sticky bitterness in the joints. Half a structured life, I now throw away the should not be more into tears, every time shock when I click on things when I put my room on my head, I should be let go. But I have no right to do so. All that I feel now, have I earned. I know just do not know how I will explain everything, because words are banal and expressionless, I could not say a word of all this, because pain is a privilege that I am not allowed. I would not, because I do not know how you would record it.

And when you said you've lost so much for me because you wanted to be alone, I knew nothing more.
Seems like everything you've given up, is basically in vain, a waste of time for someone to give your time just a little color. I have not thought out, those were your words. So I insisted in vain that we were not fake. We were still a. Fake.


As banal as it may sound. But no, not important.